90 Interesting Little Johnny Jokes for Kids and Adults

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Ever heard of Little Johnny or Little Johnny jokes? He is someone annoying, silly yet funny who has never failed to provide the online world with much amusement with his jokes. 

Every time Little Johnny unintentionally spills a secret, it’s impossible not to laugh. The mayhem he causes by accident is what makes his jokes so hilarious.

It’s even more exciting to listen to Dad jokes. The Dad jokes are often hilarious, and if you can grasp the humor behind it, you will burst out laughing. 

However, kids often ignore their parents‘ and don’t understand the humor behind them, causing them to miss out on the joy of laughter. 

Here are some hilarious Little Johnny jokes that will make you laugh out loud even if you go through them again and again. 

Funny Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny: Mom, do you know what I’m going to give you for your birthday?

Mom: No, dear, what?

Little Johnny: I’m going to give you a nice teapot.

Mom: But I’ve got a nice teapot.

Little Johnny: No you haven’t. I’ve just dropped it.

Priest: Are you scared of Satan?

Little Johnny: “I have nothing to be scared of, you are the one that must be scared; you talk crap about him every Sunday…”

While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnny’s paper about ‘Family Pets’ was the same as his brother’s. So she asked, “Why did you copy your brother’s homework?”

Little Johnny: “No, I didn’t! We just have the same pets.”

The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever felt stupid. No one but Johnny groaned before standing. 

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Teacher: “So Johnny feels stupid occasionally?” 

Little Johnny: “No, but it must be hard for you to stand alone.”

Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store. 

The cashier: “There’s no way I can take this. It’s fake.” 

Little Johnny: “Well, the car’s not real either.”

Little Johnny’s teacher went to pay his family a home visit. When Johnny’s grandpa saw her walking over, he told him to hide. 

Little Johnny: “No way. You need to hide, grandpa. I told her yesterday that I had to go to your funeral.”

Teacher: What is your favorite instrument?

Little Johnny: The school bell.

Little Johnny’s mom knocks on his door, “It’s late. Are you still behind your computer screen playing video games?”

Little Johnny: “Of course not, Mom. I’m in front of it.”

Math Teacher: “80 chimneys plus 5 chimneys plus 8 chimneys. What is the result?”

Little Johnny: “Lots of smoke”. 

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Johnny got caught digging a hole in his yard. 

The neighbor: “What are you digging for?”

Little Johnny: “It’s to bury my goldfish.” 

The neighbor: “But the hole is pretty big. Why would you dig such a deep hole to bury your goldfish?”

Little Johnny: “It had to be! My goldfish is inside your cat.”

Art Teacher: “Johnny, what are you drawing?”

Little Johnny: “A God.”

Art Teacher: “But no one knows what God looks like, how could you draw?”

Little Johnny: “You’ll know what he looks like in a few minutes.”

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One evening, Little Johnny watched his mother as she applied facial cream in front of the mirror, so he asked, “why are you putting that thing on your face?”

Mother: “To make myself beautiful.”

After some time, his mother began removing the cream with a tissue.

Little Johnny then asked, “What’s the matter? Giving up?”

Teacher: “Okay Johnny. Tell me what your father does.”

Little Johnny: “He’s a magician, ma’am.”

Teacher: “That’s fascinating. What’s his favorite trick?”

Little Johnny: “Well, he saws people in half.”

Teacher: “Oh, I must say he is incredible. Do you have any siblings, Johnny?” 

Little Johnny: “Yes, ma’am! One half brother and two half-sisters.”

Little Johnny: “Dad, can you write in the dark?”

Father: “I think so. What do you want me to write?”

Little Johnny: “Oh, just sign this report card for me…”

Mother: “Okay Johnny, you really have to sleep now. If I hear ‘Moooom!’ one more time, there’ll be no ice cream tomorrow.”

*5 minutes later*

Little Johnny: “Mrs. Smith? Can I get a glass of water please?”

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Teacher: “Johnny, why are you so late?”

Little Johnny: “Well I was crossing the road and suddenly a sign says: ‘School ahead, go slowly’!  

Little Johnny: “Ma’am, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”

Teacher: “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”

Little Johnny: “OK Ma’am, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”

Little Johnny: “Grandpa, can you croak like a frog?”

Grandpa: “Yes, but why do you want me to croak?”

Little Johnny: “Mommy said that we’ll be loaded when you croak.”

Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”

Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”

Neighbor: “What’s the one thing you’re always guaranteed to get on your birthday?”

Little Johnny: “A year older.”

Teacher: “Tell me Johnny, what would you do if you hit the lottery?”

Little Johnny didn’t say anything and laid back in his seat.

Teacher: “That’s rude Johnny. I asked you a question.”

Little Johnny: “Well if I hit the lottery, then I would have a secretary to answer the question.”

Finding Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Cullen stopped to reprimand Johnny.

Ms. Cullen: “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Little Johnny: ““Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

Johnny is mocked by the other boys in his neighborhood for being stupid.

Their favorite joke is offering Johnny a choice between a nickel or a dime. Johnny always chooses the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”

Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”

A stranger seated next to Little Johnny on the plane: “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

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Little Johnny: “OK. What would you like to discuss?”

The Stranger: “I don’t know. How about nuclear power?”

Little Johnny: “Interesting. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

Stranger: Jeez. I have no idea.”

Little Johnny: “Well, then, how is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”

Little Johnny on seeing his new siblings creaming constantly asked the parents, “Where do you get him from?”

The parents: “Oh, we got him straight from heaven.”

Little Johnny: “OKAY. I see why they kicked him out of there.”

Little Johnny to his friends: “Do you know I used to pray so that I could get a bike?”

Friends: Oh, that’s sweet. Did you ever get one?

Little Johnny: No, it never worked that way, so I decided to steal one and pray for forgiveness instead.

Little Johnny to his friends: Do you guys know what the strongest days of the week are?

Friends: No

Little Johnny: You guys are so dumb. It’s Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.

Teacher: “Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?”

Little Johnny: “Because it’s always 90 degrees.

An old lady seeing Little Johnny stuffing all of his candy in his mouth: “Son, don’t you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?”

Little Johnny: “Do you know my grandfather lived to be 105 years old!” 

The Old Lady retorted: “Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?”

Little Johnny: “No, “but he minded his own business.”

Little Johnny rides his bike and yells at his mummy, “Look mom, I can ride the bike with just one hand!”

 He goes by the second time and yells excitedly, “Mom, mom, look no hands at all!”

He comes the third time and proudly hollers, “Look mom, no teeth, either!”

Little Johnny’s father on seeing him covering his pillow with honey, “Ewww Johnny, what the hell are you doing?”

Little Johnny: “Nothing. I just wanted to have sweet dreams.”

Little Johnny throw a clock out of the window. On seeing this, his mom asked angrily: What did you just do?

Little Johnny: “Why are you yelling mom. I just wanted to see how time flies.”

Little Johnny is about to have a big test and his father says: “You better study real good boy, because if you don’t pass that test, you can forget that you’re my son!”

The next day Johnny comes home and his dad asks him how he did in the test.

Johnny looks at him and says, “And who are you, dude?”

One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone. They were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, “Great, I left your luggage next to the front door. See ya!”

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Teacher: “Why are you praying in class little Johnny?”

Little Johnny: “My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.”

The teacher asks the class why God created man first. 

Little Johnny: “He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.”

One day Johnny got home early from school and his mom asked, “Why are you home so early?”

Little Johnny: “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” 

Mother: “Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?” 

Little Johnny: “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?’”

During the soccer match, Little Johnny sits in the front row. 

His friend: “How did you get the ticket? 

Little Johnny: “From my brother.”

His friend: “And where is your brother?”

Little Johnny: “At home. Looking for his ticket.”

Math Teacher: “If you had a dollar and you asked your father for another dollar, how much money would you have?”

Little Johnny: “One dollar.”

Math Teacher: “You don’t know your basic math. What a shame.”

Little Johnny: “You don’t know my father.”

Johnny’s grandfather to his mischievous grandson: “I’m afraid I’ll never see you in heaven, Johnny.”

Little Johnny: “What have you been doing wrong?”

Little Johnny: “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school. 

Father: “Really? Special?” 

Little Johnny: “Yes, it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”

Teacher to Little Johnny during an arithmetic lesson: “If you had ten dollars and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?”

Little Johnny firmly: “Ten.”

Teacher: “How do you make it ten?”

Little Johnny: “You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get it!”

Little Johnny’s mother after knowing her son had a fight: “I’m ashamed of you. Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do.”

Little Johnny: “But mom he threw a rock at me. So, I threw one at him.”

Mother: “When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me.”

Little Johnny: “What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours.”

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. 

Little Johnny got up to read his: “My daddy fell in a well last week.” 

Teacher: “Good Lord! Is he OK?” 

Little Johnny: “He must be. He stopped calling for help yesterday.”

Little Johnny came to his mother sobbing. 

Mother: “What’s the matter?

Little Johnny: “Dad was fixing the fence and hit his thumb with the hammer.”

Mother: “That’s not so serious, and a big boy like you shouldn’t cry about that. Why didn’t you just laugh?”

Little Johnny: “I did.”

Little Johnny: “Dad, I’m late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?”

Father: “Son, it just wouldn’t be right.”

Little Johnny: “That’s okay. At least you could try.”

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks his mother:  “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” 

Mother: “No, of course not.”

 Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends:  “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”

An elderly priest was discussing being good and heaven with a group of kids. He ended his talk by asking: “Where do you want to go?”

Kids: “Heaven! Heaven!”

The priest: “And what do you have to be to get there?”

Little Johnny: “Dead.”

Little Johnny wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!”

Little Johnny’s family is sitting at the dinner table.

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Father: “Can you please pray for dinner!”

Little Johnny: “Dear God. Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Dad’s computer. Amen!”

Teacher: “Fred can you find me America on the map please?”

Fred: “There it is!”

Teacher: “Now, Johnny, who discovered America?”

Little Johnny: “Fred did!”

Teacher: “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”

Little Johnny: “At the bottom!”

Teacher: “If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4?”

Little Johnny: “That’s not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!”

Teacher: “I told you to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow?”

Little Johnny: “Yes, the cow ate all the grass!”

Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested?”

Little Johnny: “A teacher.”

Little Johnny: Mom, I’m not going to class anymore!”

Mother: “And why’s that?”

Little Johnny: “The teacher doesn’t know anything. All she does is ask questions!”

The teacher heard Little Johnny use some serious language and was shocked. 

She said: “Little Johnny, don’t you ever use language like that again, not near me, not ever. Where on earth did you learn that?”

Little Johnny: “I’ve got it from my dad, Miss.”

The teacher: “Well, your daddy should be ashamed. I hope you don’t know what all that even means.”

Little Johnny: “Oh but I do, it means the car won’t start.”

Little Johnny plays “shoot the apple from the head” with his friends. The first shot lands directly in his eye.

Little Johnny: “Ooowww man, you got me right in the eye!” 

The other friend also wants a go and persuades Johnny that he is a much better shot. But bingo, the second shot gets Johnny in the other eye.

Little Johnny gives up: “Well I’ve had it with this game, I’m going home. Mom said I should come back once it gets dark anyway.”

English teacher: “Which tense is the sentence ‘I AM BEAUTIFUL’?”

Little Johnny: “Clearly, past tense.”

Teacher: “Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?”

Little Johnny: “HIJKLMNO”!

The teacher is puzzled, “What on Earth are you talking about, Johnny?”

Little Johnny: “But sir, you yourself said yesterday that it’s H to O!”

Johnny is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large biker comes up next to him, grabs it, and sips it down with one gulp.

Seeing Johnny burst into tears after that, the biker said: “Oh, man, I didn’t think you’d cry. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?”

Johnny:  “This is the worst day of my life. I’m a complete failure. I was kicked out of school for fighting with my friends. My parents don’t want to see my face and they even seized my bike. I was bit by dog on the street and I don’t have enough money or someone to help me. So, I come to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve, and then you show up and drink the whole thing!

But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

Teacher: “Johnny, there are five birds on a tree. You shoot one, how many are left.”

Little Johnny: “None, miss. The others will fly away!”

Teacher: “The right answer is four, but I like the way you think.”

Little Johnny: “Miss. there are three ladies eating ice-cream. One is sucking it, one is licking it and one is biting it. Which one is the married one?”

The teacher going red says nervously: “The one that’s licking it?”

Little Johnny: “No, miss. The one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think.”

Little Johnny’s father caught him reading one of his older sister’s magazines.

Father: “Son, why are you reading that sissy magazine?” 

Little Johnny: “There’s an article that tells women where to meet men. I need to know where I’m supposed to be.”

Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”

Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”

Teacher: “Please stay out of school for one week.”

Boy 2 laughed…

Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”

Boy 2: “I saw both your bra straps.”

Teacher: “Suspended from school for one month.”

The teacher bent down to pick up chalk. Little Johnny started walking out of the class…

Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”

Little Johnny: “I think my school days are over.”

Teacher: “Johnny, give me a sentence with an ‘I’ in it.”

Johnny: “I is…

Teacher: “No, Johnny, when you say ‘I’, it should be followed by ‘am’”

Johnny: “Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.”

Teacher: “Whoever answers my next question can go home.”

Little Johnny throws his bag out of the window.

Teacher: “Who just threw that?”

Little Johnny: “Me. Can I go home now?”

A Sunday school teacher asked: “Where is Jesus today?”

One student says, “He’s in Heaven.”

Other answers, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny: “He’s in our bathroom!”

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

Little Johnny: “Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!’

During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide.

Teacher tries to make a joke: “Johnny, don’t swallow me.”

He replies: “Don’t worry, teacher, I don’t eat pork.”

Little Johnny’s jokes often contain puns and riddles, which can lead to misunderstandings that can be funny and awkward at the same time! They sometimes can be unintentionally offensive. We request you to leave us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate and bullying. 

The best little johnny jokes.

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