69 Coffee Jokes to Warm Your Heart with Laughter

69 Coffee Jokes to Warm Your Heart with Laughter

Coffee Jokes

It is no secret that coffee is life without which everything feels so basic! And so are coffee jokes among jokes.

In this edition, we have collected only the finest coffee jokes from the rarest sources for you to enjoy with friends and family.

If you are looking for something to keep you up and giggling all night long, you have come to the right place and these short coffee jokes are for you.

What are you waiting for? Let’s get started.

Best Coffee Jokes

1. What happens when you get the flu? 

You end up coffee and sneezy. 

2. What keeps young barristers in shape at the gym? 

The French press.

3. How is the espresso machine like divorce? 

It is expensive and bitter. 

4. What do you call a sad coffee? 

Depresso.

5. What is the cheekiest punchline for a coffee date? 

Hey there, hot stuff (wink).

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6. What is a coffee bean’s favorite pass time fun when bored? 

Roasts.

7. Why was the barrister fired? 

He came to work wearing a tea-shirt again. 

8. Why do computer programmers love to code in coffee shops? 

It is where they get their java scripts to perfect their codes. 

9. How do people in the fashion industry like their coffee? 

They like it cool.

10. What do gossipers do in coffee shops? 

Spill the beans. 

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11. What is the favorite coding language in coffee shops across the world? 

Java.

12. What do coffee beans and children have in common? 

They always get grounded. 

13. The doctor asked, “what is our problem with coffee?” 

Coffee addict replied, “I don’t have a problem with coffee; I have a problem without it.” 

14. A billionaire passed through a narrow dark alley on his way to the coffee shop. 

He risked getting mugged. 

15. How do teetotalers take their coffee? 

One sip at a time. 

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16. How much coffee does an average person take in a day? 

A latte. 

17. What is the motto in coffee shops around Silicon Valley? 

“Better latte than never!”

18. What coffee do you take if you are going to do hard labor? 

Strong coffee

19. What did the barrister say when asked to apply for a managerial position? 

I will give it a shot.

20. What happened to the young barrister at the ATM machine? 

He got mugged. 

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21. What did the coffee tree say to the little coffee bean? 

You are grounded!

22. What did the Italian barrister say to his girlfriend? 

Affogato to tell you I love you very mucho. 

23. Why did the coffee beans delivery guy have his eyes on the watch all the time? 

He was pressed for time!

24. What did the coffee cup say to the coffee? 

You warm my heart. 

25. What did the mother coffee tree say to the coffee bean when he came back late? 

Where have you bean all this time? 

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26. What is a barrister’s mantra? 

A rise and grind for the world need you. 

27. How would you compliment a shop with bottomless coffee? 

With bottomless thanks. 

28. What can’t you hold a debate about coffee in public? 

It can get heated!

29. Why is it not a good idea for beautiful ladies to drink coffee on the first date? 

They risk becoming too hot to handle. 

30. Who do barristers date? 

Brewnettes. 

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31. Which language has the most coffee-related words? 

Hebrew. 

32. Why didn’t the coffee cup make it to the hip-hop video? 

She was bottomless. 

33. What did the coffee bean say to his best friend? 

Whatsup brew!

34. What did the coffee in the cup say to the coffee drinker? 

Pour some sugar on me, babe!

35. Why was the coffee bean complaining? 

It was just bitter. 

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36. Why did the instant coffee look so crude? 

It had no filters. 

37. How does a coffee snob take his coffee? 

Very seriously. 

38. What is it called when you steal someone’s coffee? 

Mugging. 

39. What is the opposite of coffee? 

Sneezy!

40. Wh did the coffee shot close on a busy weekend? 

The storm was brewing!

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41. Where do chirpy birds go for coffee? 

At the NESTcafe.

42. Why are men like coffee? 

The best ones are rich, hot and keep you up all night long. 

43. To the barrister, “how much is a cup of coffee?” 

“Five dollars and refills are free.” “I can have a refill then.”

44. Why was he furious when he was given a cup of coffee? 

This was not his cup of tea. 

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I like my men like I like my coffee jokes 

45. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Dark and rich.

46. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Hot and sweet. 

47. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Strong and able to keep me up all night long. 

48. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Warm and lovely. 

49. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Hot and the first thing in the morning before the start of my day. 

50. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Instant and ready. 

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51. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Not anywhere near my pants. 

52. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Smelling nice and expensive. 

53. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Bitter yet sweet. 

54. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Mixed up with whiskey. 

55. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Sweet like sugar. 

56. I like my men like I like my coffee… 

Well, I don’t like coffee. 

Funny Coffee Captions 

57. Sleep is the first sign of weakness and lack of coffee. 

58. Without coffee, I feel so basic. 

59. Coffee is the most important meal of my day. 

60. Soup of the day: COFFEE.

61. There are two people in this world: those who love coffee and liars. 

62. My next favorite drink after the coffee is coffee. 

63. How many times do I take coffee per day?

All the time!

64. A yawn is a silent scream for coffee. 

65. Laziness. (n.) Low coffee levels in the blood, often shown by the inability to perform simple tasks.

66. Yawn. (n.) A silent scream for coffee. 

67. Procaffeinate. (verb.) A tendency to not do anything until you have a cup of coffee. 

Coffee jokes and puns.

The Smartbackyard